Can't Sleep

I am having THE hardest time trying to sleep!!! It if freaking three in the morning and I am wide awake honestly if it would make a lot of noise I would wash the dishes and mop the floor and wash the laundry, that is how awake I am. I haven't been this alert since I was really mad at my husband and I stayed up all night long cleaning. And he is sound asleep next to me, no surprise there. How can he fall asleep and stay asleep so easily and I can't sleep at all??? It is way not fair!! And seeing as how I have no life and have no reason to get up in the morning I guess that why I stay up all night long!! I so need a job or hobby or actually go to school instead of just talk about it all the time. My body is so out of control lately that my emotions are eating me up inside!! This no period is driving me up the wall!!!! I mean if I was still on the pill it would make sense but seeing as how I have been off since November you would think that I would be back to normal.....but no I am even worse off than I was before I started the stupid thing!!! I am always edgy and on the verge of tears or screaming like all the time and the freaking tests are still coming back negative!!! Still looking for a good doctor to talk to who will take me seriously and won't make me hate myself even more I think I might have found one only I have to call them first and schedule a consultation and see what they think about my situation. Ugh I hate being like this and not having enough support from the people that I need it from the most!!! I never get too see my nephews any more or my family for that matter. I feel so alone here :(. I don't feel like I even have a friend in the world. No one that I can really talk too, who won't judge me or yell at me for what I say or how I feel. Ugh I hate being this depressed and not having anyone to go too!!!! I guess I should get off here now cause the light is bugging my husband. Tool time is on so I guess that I will watch that. Peace out

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